A day in the life of a writer-speaker

So what does a writer-speaker do on a typical day? I’m always conflicted about whether or not to begin my day by looking into my most important email inbox. I know once I get started there, I could stay till midnight. But as I tell myself, something might be important or urgent so I have to go there first.

The fun part, the most seductive part, hardest to resist, are notifications of comments from students in last month of my latest coach training class (which meets every two months in Frankfurt). Today one of my students told us all about her first standup speech for a big company.

Public speaking is one of the scariest things for most people to do. Big, tough CEOs of successful companies admit to having stress for months before a scheduled public speaking performance. 

Unlike many writers, I’m usually comfortable speaking in front of large groups or small groups. I'm not entirely sure why but I can see the kind of practice I got during my life and that may have something to do with it. My mother liked me to show off in front of her older sisters in a competitive way. But I think I was born unafraid to be a 'show off.' Chicken and egg thing. So I don’t know why I’m not nervous, but I do know how I stay that way. 

I can see that most of the advice given to people about speaking publicly is not good. Concentrating on avoiding saying things like ‘uh’ for example which someone once had the temerity to do to me :-), and which I’ve seen other instructors do, only makes us self-conscious. If there’s one thing I know it's that self-consciousness - that is, the fear and a blinding sense of nothing but yourself, how you look, how you sound, etc.- is deadly. It’s not unusual to feel that way while standing in the wings, but if it doesn’t disappear in the first few minutes of speaking, you might as well leave the stage and go home.

For one thing, you won’t be able to do a good job. But much more important is the fact that you don't care about the right thing. You're focused on yourself. But talking to an audience is not about you at all.

The only thing that should matter to you when you're on the stage is whether the audience is ‘getting' what you need to tell them. How they look is what counts, not how you look. Are they confused? Are they interested? Are they agreeing?

I said "what you need to tell them," and I used the word “need" deliberately, because if you don't need to tell your audience anything, if it doesn’t matter to you whether or not they ‘get’ what you’re telling them, you're already a boring speaker.

Anyway I won't give you the whole lecture - you can see how much it matters to me, I’m sure.

But this morning one of my coaching students sent in a report that made my heart sing. She got it right, and she got richly rewarded for it. I’ll quote some parts of it:

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Just recently I was the co presenter in a workshop. I was excited but scared. The audience looked at me like they expected miracles.  But after the first minute I got into the flow and I felt so good. I felt warm and comfortable. I recognized it is not so important what you are saying. When it comes from your heart people listen to you.

Some of them smiled at me, some people had no reaction at all and some gave me a feeling of agreement by just shaking a little yes with their eyes. At the end they gave me an ovation. I think I had the biggest smile in years after my little speech.

It was one of the best feelings I ever had and I really want to have this feeling again. I was so fulfilled and felt right after like I'd had one of the best meals for a long time. Like I was starving for years not going out to tell my stories and talk to people just about simple little tiny things.

This showed me that if you care for humans it will touch the listener and reach them. I saw the magical "energy floating" and felt like a pop star on stage.  

Thank you Barbara Sher for making me brave. 

Thank you to this wonderful group for making me brave. 

Heike

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So now you know why I sometimes spend too much of my day online, looking into my computer, reading and responding to comments. Posts like this one above on my class’s Facebook page are nourishment for any writer-speaker …although I must confess I also love my morning walks by the beautiful river in this lovely town, and I fully intend to tell you all about them soon.